Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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