I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
