i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
