You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
