Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Bring me that man meat
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
