Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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