True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
