The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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