My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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