I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
