anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
