So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
