I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
