just come out here and I will go home with you...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
