Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
