He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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