found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
