my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
