My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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