take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
