I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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