I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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