Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
