I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
