Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
