You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
