Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
