Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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