I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he thought i was a dude.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
