Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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