Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
