If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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