There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
