If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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