Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
