Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
