In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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