You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
