I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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