I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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