On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
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Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Green mimosas i think yes
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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