just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize