who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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