i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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