I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
