Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
