dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
