Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
