he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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