I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
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When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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