wrigley field is MILF paradise
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
