Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
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Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
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Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
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