He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
