My sheets look like a crime scene.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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