I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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