i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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