I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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