I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
