I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize