Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
