After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
