and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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