Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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