and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
