yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
