you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
