Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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