I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
