my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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