I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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