As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Can vaginas get frostbite?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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