I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
