is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
