im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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