He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
