If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
