Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
