I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
